Its foggy here in Wisconsin this morning; the weather is warm and the snow is melting into a heavy, wet mess. From my office window I cannot see the lagoon and park across the street. It feels a lot like my life these days. A heavy, wet mess where I cannot see what is coming next. However, I am learning from friends, loved ones and my priesthood leaders that I cannot control anything in this world but myself and my reactions to those around me. I can choose to be who I want to be, how I choose to react and how I feel about myself, my failed marriage, my parenting abilities and who I am and who I want to be.
Some days, I am very strong - others, I am a bawling, lost, scared mess. But, I am okay with that. After 14 years of marriage with Jim, I would not be true to myself if I didn't grieve the loss of one of the most important things in my life. I acknowledge that healing and changing my thinking about myself will take time - and I am trying to be patient with myself.
On that note, Sophie and I are repairing our relationship. We are working on different projects to give as gifts for the holidays and have great plans to sell some of our handmade items on Etsy.com after the holidays.
We've started baking - cookies, candies and all the holiday treats. We are praying as a family. Sharing some quiet time together each night, reading, crafting, baking. We are attending church and Sophie and Nicolas are taking the discussions to be baptized.
We are moving forward. We miss Jim, but Jim has decided not to be in our lives, not even the kids right now. That is his choice. We are learning to love Jim, and dislike his choices.
I am so grateful for all the friends and family I have who continue to support me in spite of the poor choices I have made recently. I love and appreciate all of you - and hope to someday be there when you need me.
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December Daily® 2023 | Paint + Play with Jill
8 months ago
