Going through the big D... don't mean Dallas

So, its official after 14 years Jim and I are calling it quits. It was great for ten and miserable for the last 5. I'm the one who filed, but Jim is the one who wanted out.
Yes, this is my second divorce but the first one was so easy it was more like a break up. I'm seeing a side to Jim I never knew existed and I'm glad I didn't.
There are pluses that I'm trying to focus on - Jim isn't here sitting in front of his computer all the time while I do everything. Jim isn't sitting here moody and not talking. Jim isn't sitting here ignoring me. I've lost 24 pounds and hope to continue the downward trend. I can cook whatever I want for dinner and not worry about it. The kids are okay - they spend most of their time here with me.
While the catalyst for the divorce was Jim's affair, I've become more aware of things I could have done differently and things I should never have accepted. The saddest part of all of this is that it could have ended a long time ago if Jim had just told me he was unhappy.
So, now date nights (where my parents take the kids) are bubble bath nights and my house is really clean - I've purged a lot of stuff after Jim removed his stuff and it looks good.
I have hope that the future will be kinder to me than the past. I plan to be a better friend and take great care of the kids when I have them. I even bought myself a cute little sports car so I can start to feel like Sandy again.

If you don't like the weather in Wisconsin, just wait...

So, yesterday I mentioned that it was 42 degrees and rainy. The snow was melting and it was a generally yucky day. Me and my big mouth! Today we were blessed with minus 20 degree temperatures with the windchill. Too cold to snow, too cold for recess and too cold to go out.

Jim and I recently joined a gym. I lead an almost completely sedentary lifestyle and since I'm on the downward slope to 40 those pounds just keep packing on. Jim claims his weight gain is all my fault since I'm such a good cook, but those of you who know Jim and are familiar with his eating habits know that Jim can pack away several hamburgers, brats, sandwiches - whatever's on the table with very little encouragement from me. So, Jim still looks good, I look old and fat. I met with the personal trainer and as she was having me try out the machines she checked my heart rate and it was so high she restricted me to 30 minutes a day of "light" cardio. I like walking on the treadmill and riding the bike for now; she'll get me on a weight program when I attain some semblence of physical fitness. Getting older is tough. In my head I'm still that 23 year old, 125 pound bride that Jim could carry. I have like reverse anorexia. I look in the mirror and don't see the pounds - until recently. We'll see if I can get a routine going and get some of this off and try to be healthier.

No Excuses

I'm horrible at this. Apparently raising two very different kids, taking care of and loving my sweet hubby and cooking, cleaning, shopping and yes, working leave me very little time for keeping in touch.

I recently spoke to two friends of mine who moved away, far away, thousands of miles away. When they lived here I spoke with these women every day, cuddled their babies, laughed and cried with them and I hadn't spoken to them in over a year. The babies are in second grade and kindergarten and one friend has a baby I've never even met. How does this happen? How do we drift away from people who were once so very important? I still love these women, I miss them every day and I think of them all the time. But, I rarely pick up the phone, email or write - I wonder why? I hope to do better in the future letting the people who are important to me know it.

On another note, after 5 years of pretty consistent inactivity, Jim and I are back at church. It is a bit uncomfortable at times but familiar - like visiting your parents home as an adult. It is amazing to me how much, yet how little changes in the church. I'm glad to be back and I love the gospel, it will just take some time to get back in the groove.

I bring this up only because last night was our Ward Christmas dinner and Nativity. It was a good time with lots of people in attendance. The kids in the Nativity were darling; the food was good and of course the songs were beautiful. A nice evening.

Jim is sick. He has a horrible cold and he is trying hard not to complain but I can tell he is miserable... its rainy and wet here - (is it December or March?) and it was a great day to wrap presents and bake cookies.

Since I haven't posted all year, I'm putting up a slideshow with some pictures of the kids... another thing I'm hoping to get better at.