Time keeps moving...

So, its March already and its been exactely one year since my whole life fell apart.  I'm nowhere closer to a divorce and my life is even a bigger mess.  If you can imagine...

I'm having a crisis of faith, never get to see my daughter, and my life is nothing like what I want it to be.  I'm not sure where to go from here but some things I have learned:

1.  Living well is great revenge.  I've lost weight.  I smile.  I laugh.  My hair is really cute. 

2.  If you are taking a medication for depression and the medication makes you totally crazy and not yourself it is nearly impossible to convince your doctor it is the meds and not you.  You know those warnings you hear on drug commercials?  "If you experience mood changes, sudden outbursts of anger, suicidal thoughts and actions contact your physician immediately" - that was me on Effexor.  I've lost a ton because of a medication reaction.  I barely remember the last year... everything is a blur.  Now I'm thinking clearer and even though jumping off a cliff feels like the only solution some days I don't act on it and it passes. This is a very good thing.

3.  Believing the Gospel is true and black and white will be interpreted as not wanting to be a member at all.  I expect that the commandments are pretty black and white and those that don't follow them will have consequences.  Not so.  Satan has a lot of power and deals made with him will even blind the most faithful of Saints.  Enough said.

4.  My friends and my dad are the only ones who've hung in there for me.  I've learned that friends can be better than family.  Most of my family avoids and ignores me, even though number 2 has been fixed.  So be it.

5.  Its not all my fault.  I will own my mistakes and apologize for things I do, but after that its out of my hands and in the court of the other person.  No matter who that is, I cannot control them or their actions.  But, I can look at myself in the mirror and sleep at night and that's what matters most to me.

So, life keeps moving.  There are good things - Nic is playing Special Olympics basketball this weekend.  His team has grown in size and skill this year and its very exciting to watch.  My hair is cute.  I'm getting skinny (even if it is created by stress its a good thing)  But the bad things outnumber the good by 100 times right now.
I've got another blog about all my crafty projects... check it out if you are interested:
Sandy's Creative Chaos

I'm working on all kinds of half finished projects... and posting them as I finish.